We’re getting there. I don’t want to post more pictures of the house until I have it in order. Our furniture arrived on Monday … so the house is full of boxes and furniture, but I can’t unpack or arrange things because we’re still waiting on the carpet to be installed next week. So we are back to shuffling between piles of boxes, living with a few bits and pieces of things (albeit more than we had for the ten days we camped in the house before our things arrived). Even when the carpet is in, we need shelves for the books and the pantry before everything can be unpacked. Until then, we are painting, painting, painting. Bedrooms and TV room are done. Upstairs hall and stair need a second coat. I primed the front hall today. Library is coming. Pantry is coming. The small annex between the service-level rooms is coming.
Extended domestic chaos is wearing on me. I painted with gusto for the first week. Then I began to feel tired. Ill. Unmotivated. Despair, that’s what it is. I began to feel despair. We closed on Low House yesterday, and while it happened in the end, there was a lot of unpleasantness and misunderstanding leading up to it that made it hard to keep plugging.
I write books about people who lose–or give up–everything and start over again. I am not my characters. I would never choose to give up my stuff. While I am not nearly as brave as the people in my head, I am starting over in a way. Slowly. Another new town to drive around. Another house to put in order. The rhythms of another home to learn, again.
Just now I was able to look at the realtor photos of Low House for the first time since we left it. It was mildly painful. There it is, in the photos, all cleaned up and sparkling, spare in its neatness and order. Whereas things here are in chaos. Can we get Mimi enrolled in preschool? That weighs on me. She misses playtime with kids and I miss having time–any time at all–during my day when I am not responsible for her tiny and highly friable emotional well-being.
We have all been troopers. And we are all tired now.