Taupe study

Mimi has given up napping, more or less. She is two and a quarter years old.

It isn’t much of a surprise. She’s never been a sleeper. As a newborn she could stay awake for 14-16 hours at a time. She didn’t nap longer than twenty minutes until she was five months old… then her naps lengthened to 45 minutes. She has never been in the habit of taking a nap longer than 90 minutes, and that was only when she dropped to only one nap a day. At twelve months old.

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For a month now, though, half the time she stays in her crib for an hour and never falls asleep. Most of those days she will happily play with Dollie and Froggie. Some days, like today, she howls “mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy mommyyyyyyyyyyyy mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyy”, not in real distress, just not wanting to let me relax. It drives me crazy. She is obviously really growing out of napping, because even without one she holds herself together until bedtime.

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I want time to myself, and something to do with it. More time than the three mornings I already have, which disappear into housework and appointments. I want my own project, and time and place to do it. I want to sell quilt fabric. I want to sell yarn. I want to have the energy and creativity to write and sell patterns of my own, but I’m not sure I have that, especially if I don’t have a peaceful place to think.

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A week ago my husband gave notice at the small engineering firm where he has worked for the past twelve years. He designs and sells circuit boards for tube amplifiers and has begun to sell a pre-amp that he builds himself. Last year he made so much money just doing that in his spare time that he thinks he can make up for his former salary by doing it full time. Right now he is training two replacements at work. Starting in August, he will be working at home. I’m so proud of him. Not everyone has the vision and drive to do that, but he does, and he richly deserves the opportunity to go it alone. He is planning to work from the early morning to the early afternoon, then take care of Mimi while I get my stuff done. So there is some time for me (though not a place).

What should I do with it?

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