Enough with the pastel quilts and lemon ice cream. This post is real, yo.
There are ALL KINDS of things that nobody will tell you before you have kids. Or after. Things you have to find out by yourself. Things even Vicki Iovine won’t tell you. And this week, I’ve learned one of them.
They start to go to daycare or playgroup or preschool or kindergarten, right? You’ve heard about how they’re going to be sick a lot for a year or two, right? You imagine coughs and sniffles and maybe even (snicker snicker) some explosive diarrhea.
Your imagination is limited.
It turns out there is a whole host of viruses that “everybody” gets as a small child and never thinks about again, and yeah a lot of them are just fevers and sniffles, that’s it, la de da. But there are some mean ones. Some different ones. Some gross ones. Some that you feel embarrassed about and feel sure your mother wouldn’t want you talking about on the internet. Some that you apparently didn’t get as a small child, and aren’t immune to.
I’m trying to say that I’m in the throes of Hand Foot & Mouth Disease and am feeling Under The Weather and also Mad As A Hornet. This is worse than chicken pox.
All those slobbery open-mouthed baby kisses? They’re so cute, right? No, you can’t resist them. That’s why they’re the world’s greatest untapped biological weapon.
As my mother in law would say, “too much TMI.” You’re welcome.