His website doesn’t seem to exist anymore, but New Zealanders are still photographing the weirdness in their forests, and you can see some of it here.

The north woods have some of these things too. The British Soldiers are my favorites.

This morning made up for the (admittedly funny) chaos of yesterday afternoon. Mimi wanted waffles and we didn’t have any in the freezer, so I made waffles and fried some turkey bacon. Mimi shared her breakfast with me. She is big on wanting to eat together.

Then we put on gardening clothes (for her, a light cotton sundress and crocs) and went outside. I watered the flower beds while she sniffed flowers and poked bugs and stuck her hands in the spray. Then we went into the garden to pick a mess of sugar snap peas, which are at their peak now. Mimi followed me, calling out when she found a pod, then pulling it off and eating it immediately. “They’re sweet, mommy!”

When we had a bunch–certainly all we can eat in a day plus some for the neighbors–we went inside and she wanted to sit down and eat peas together. So we did. And here is photographic proof that my two-year-old approves of last January’s idea to plant a picking-and-eating garden. I am gratified.

Let me tell you how it really is.

Yesterday started off nicely. Mimi went to playschool in the morning, and I spent the time doing laundry and getting a pedicure. I had just put the last load in the washer when it was time to pick her up, which I did. I took her home and put her in her crib for naptime.

She didn’t nap. The 2-year sleep regression? The long, hot, bright summer days? Naturally growing out of napping? I don’t know. Forty minutes later she was awake and unhappy so I got her up and we packed ourselves off to Sam’s Club for diapers and beer (we have our priorities straight). As we returned home, the neighbor popped by to say that he had rented an inflatable water slide for his visiting grandson (age 4) and Mimi was welcome to come over and play.

So I put the beer in the fridge for my husband (who am I kidding… I left it in the trunk of my car, from whence he rescued it when he got home and wanted beer), tried to get Mimi to eat an ice cream bar for a snack (she wouldn’t eat it; first she demanded to eat mine instead, then wouldn’t eat either one), and put a swim diaper and her little bikini on her. Here is her bikini:

We trotted over to the neighbor’s yard and for an hour she and the grandson happily played. Mimi has an absolute mania for slides these days. They have wholly supplanted the swings. This slide proved to be too hard to climb and too high to be happy at the top of, but I placed her halfway up it a couple of times and then she fell to climbing in and out of the place at the bottom where water collects. The neighbor and I were in the middle of speculation about the neighborhood bylaws when I saw it: the blowout.

Mimi loves slides so much that they literally excite the poo out of her. Is this blog still going to be here in fourteen years when she is dating? Probably. Nothing on the internet dies. Mims honey, right now you are two and slides excite the poo out of you. Swim diapers, alas, neither absorb nor contain, so this poo had escaped up your back and probably contaminated the slide. The neighbor was eager to get the grandson out of cold water so we all quickly parted.

Returning to general narration: we had exited the house through the back door of the living room, so we re-entered there. From there one has to cross the living room and go down the whole length of the bedroom hallway to get to Mimi’s room, or 3/4s of it to get to the bathroom. Because Mimi had a smear of poo up her back I didn’t want to carry her, but because she’d been playing on a water slide on grass she was both wet and covered in grass clippings. I would rather have grass clippings on my floor than poo on my shirt, so I let her walk. She made her way across the living room without incident–leaving a trail of soggy grass behind her–but when she hit the hallway she started to slip. And fall on her butt. And not hurt herself much, because she was padded with a soggy, poo-filled swim diaper. And every time she fell, it went splat.

By the time she got to the bathroom she had fallen twice and was so upset that she wouldn’t let me put her in the bathtub… so we trailed grass clippings and made one more big poo splat on the way to the changing table in her room. Once there she began pounding her feet on the wall, smearing grass clippings all over it and poo all over the changing table.

The neighbor had told me, half an hour earlier, that I was an excellent mother who really loved children. This is why I didn’t hate my life at this point. I put on a Madonna-like glow of patience and sympathy. I was the toddler whisperer. I got Mimi’s bikini and diaper off of her, then I talked her into getting back in the tub, and submitting to a shower. And liking it.

I had had her in showers twice before in her life. Both times she screamed bloody murder.

So now she is clean and likes the shower so much she doesn’t want to get out, and I have a hallway and bathroom and child’s bedroom and living room that are all literally splattered with water, grass clippings, and soggy poo. I decide to leave her in the shower while I clean up, figuring that she can’t possibly drown in it.

NOTE TO EVERYONE: I realize in retrospect that she could have turned the temperature knob and scalded herself. Except that our water heater isn’t turned up that high, so she wasn’t in danger. But it was something that I didn’t think of at the time, and I STRONGLY URGE you never to leave your toddler unattended in the shower, and not just for the reason that follows.

I got some rags and a bottle of 409 and more or less cleaned up the trails and smears all over my house. It took me about three minutes, because I have Skillz. Then I came back to Mimi. She had pulled the shower curtain back so it wouldn’t impede her view outside of the shower. Water was spraying everywhere. Bathroom was soaked. But, you know, still technically clean. So whatever. What do I care.

I get her out and dry her off… and then she won’t get dressed. She wants more shower. She wants bath time. She wants more slide. She wants the kiddie pool. I spend the next thirty minutes getting a diaper and sundress on her, then when we are finally settled in the TV room (because after all that, My Little Pony is GOING TO HAPPEN) she gets me up off the sofa six times to run errands for her. She has the triple-threat of no nap, no snack, and supercharged water slide excitement behind her, and believe me she is a persuasive force of nature. I mean, come on, she’s cute.

It was six errands. She wanted:

1. Grapes
2. String cheese
3. More string cheese
4. Bongo the monkey
5. A fancy drink
6. A pink pillow

I hope you’re tired reading this, pregnant moms-to-be. If you think this won’t be your life, HA.

And then I folded and put away the laundry, cooked dinner, did half the cleanup, took strawberry shortcake to the neighbors as a peace offering, put the toddler to bed, and did not finish assembling a flat pack bookshelf.

And she loves bugs. Just not when they touch her stuff.

I am home alone after our exciting little trip. I am running all the appliances and cleaning all the things. That’s always my second instinct when I return home after traveling. The first instinct is to take a shower and give Mimi a bath.

I am really loving home these days. The weather has given us a long pleasant spring with plenty of cool mornings to open the windows and a few hot afternoons to taste the coming summer. The flower gardens are blooming, Mimi is sweet and playful and so independent compared to a year ago. Pudding is fluffy and cute and always asking for love. My housekeeping routines are improving all the time, and I am cooking good dinners on most nights. I feel truly content.

Highlights: GOOSEBERRIES! Sparks’ bushes are big enough to provide a real crop this year. We had to pick them at the earliest possible moment so that the deer wouldn’t get them all. Because they’re so tart and so sparse, I think I’ll sweeten and fill them out with rough and ready custard when I get around to making a pie of them. Sparks and I spent a companionable evening leaning on each other, picking the stems and blossom ends off of them, after Mimi had gone to bed. Now they are in the freezer.

PEONIES! We have our very first peony blossoms ever. These came from my friend Diana’s mother’s garden three years ago. They did not appreciate being transplanted, but they have steadily gained ground and finally produced blooms… and what beautiful blooms. I have planted several bush peony roots in the hollyhock bed, and have three plants this year, but they still aren’t big enough to bloom. Soon, soon, soon.

Being home all day with Mimi is an ever-changing challenge. Sometimes I feel like, as she gets older, the days are becoming harder and harder to fill. It’s probably not true, but memory is an elastic thing.

Lately when we’ve been out enough for the day and just want to relax, I’ve been putting a David Attenborough nature documentary on the television. It provides “company” that helps both of us concentrate on our own occupations and not on pestering each other, but isn’t so interesting that Mimi is “watching TV”. I remember the same kind of programs from my own childhood thirty years ago. Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom was the big one, of course.

I am doing some knitting from my stash. Just easy things, socks and neckwarmers. I’m in love with this basketweave neckwarmer, knit out of Valley Yarns merino in a sophisticated muted turquoise. The peacock blue is next; I’m thinking an embossed diamonds pattern. The sock has been on the needles for a long time. The yarn is Zauberball Crazy.

Yesterday at dinnertime I went Zero-to-Hero in under an hour. At five o’clock I realized that the leftover smoked pork roast from Saturday might have to be eaten plain again, because there was no cilantro for pork tacos and no barbecue sauce in the pantry for barbecue sandwiches. I figured we might as well eat leftover ratatouille with it… again. Sigh. Leftovers.

Even though we’re trying to eat lean (if not always clean), I impulsively mixed up a batch of fudge brownies because I’d been craving baked goods hard, and those at least come in a small batch. As they baked I inspected the fridge, looking for hope, and I found it. Zucchini! Feta! Green onions! Fresh herbs! Zucchini ribbon salad, hooray! And what’s that on the back of the shelf? The barbecue sauce! HOORAY!

So we had barbecue pork sandwiches (with the last of the leftover hamburger buns), zucchini ribbon salad (dressed with the lemon leftover from cocktail hour), and warm brownies with the last of the leftover ice cream. And then we watched The Muppet Show until Mimi’s bedtime. And it was a pretty dolgarned nice Sunday evening.

Two of these photos have deer in them. Can you see?

My twenty-odd Munstead lavender plants are getting big and having babies. Cutting a little nosegay of buds is no problem at all. I’m so glad that I went ahead and bought all those baby plants three years ago. Having lavender is a lovely thing.

The snapdragons from two years ago are still re-seeding themselves, though their numbers are dwindling. I’ll have to put down a fresh packet of seed next year. For color, they’re still my favorite flower ever. They should be, I named my blog after them!

But the real star for cutting is, again, the nigella. All of last year’s interesting pinks and greens are gone, it’s just blue and white this year, but that’s fine. They have re-seeded all over the sheltered hollyhock bed out back and are in full bloom right now. For once little Mimi can pick all the flowers she wants.

Sewing was going so well. Those three pairs of summer pants for Mimi have been perfect. I figured out that my problem with garment sewing is commercial patterns. Stuff I print off the internet for free is cheaper, more intuitive, perfectly cute for toddler clothes, and doesn’t print out on a million scraps of tissue paper. No more commercial patterns for me.

So I had moved on to peasant blouses for Mimi, planning to try a couple of short-sleeved ones for the summer and a whole bunch of long-sleeved ones for the winter.

Then my serger ran out of thread for the first time ever. It took me an hour to re-thread it, even with multiple sources of instructions, and the tension still isn’t right. But it is running, so I finished serging the little blouse and turned back to my sewing machine.

The light flickered. The needle vibrated and buzzed. It ran, then it stopped running. Then I smelled smoke.

So this morning I packed the machine and Mimi into the car and drove all the way across town to the one little shop that advertises itself as a sewing machine repair shop. The parking was metered street-parking at a busy intersection. I had to handle Mimi and the machine at the same time. The humidity was 80%, the temperature 80 degrees. We both badly wanted lunch. Can you see where this is going?

My idea that one took broken sewing machines to mom & pop sewing machine and vacuum repair places to get them fixed is, apparently, an old-fashioned idea and symptomatic of my advanced age. Computerized machines have to go back to dealers for repair, and the dealers charge a great deal to ship them very far away. And my machine, after trying it a couple more times, definitely has computer problems.

So admire the piles of fabric. They aren’t going anywhere for a long, long time.

But now we are home again. Last night we ate ratatouille, chicken sausage, and roasted potatoes for dinner. My ratatouille is basic, just garlic, onions, tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, and zucchini with a little basil or Herbs de Provence. The chicken sausage is from Sam’s Club and is full of gooey cheese. You need the ratatouille to offset it. The potatoes I cut up and shake in a bag with oil, salt, onion powder, garlic powder, and paprika, then roast at 425 for an hour, turning once. Delicious and no-fail.

Memorial Day is the unofficial start of summer in the United States, and it is this Monday. The garden is celebrating by starting to bloom some new things. That orange poppy almost broke my camera, it’s so bright.

Sewing little summer pants for Mimi, playing with the forest animals from the centerpiece, her little nest under the card table, and Magic Muffins with sprinkles. I let her hold that jar of sprinkles on the drive home from the grocery store. I didn’t expect her to figure out how to get it open, and to sip sprinkles straight out of it, her eyes half-closed with cool bliss. Or to spill the other half all over the back seat of my car.

Anyway. It is cool today and I took a walk in the woods this morning for the first time in about two weeks. The early spring flowers are gone and it is honeysuckle season. Both sides of the trail are just draped in the blossoms right now, and you can imagine the divine smell. I took pictures. I edited their curves. Here they are.

Notice the beautiful golden tinge to the pictures in the blog post. I think I know how she does that. She uses the curves tool, goes into the blue curve, and pulls it down. I tried with a picture of my own, and it worked.

Here is my “green” columbine, which turns quite white in my garden. I’m glad I took this picture because the deer ate it last night.

And here’s my other giant allium, a white one. It caught a maple seed. The maple seeds have been falling like snow for four days now.

Iris <3. If you have some money to spend in your garden, spend it on some nice irises.

I don’t remember what this groundcover is called, but it is supremely happy in the patio bed and I have three of them. Love it.

And I have five of these mounding blue geraniums, which I hope will get bigger every year. The deer ate some of these last night, too.

Sometimes when Mimi and I are walking on the trail we’ll pass an out-of-towner standing dead still and watching deer in the woods. Usually they stop us and point out the deer with excited whispers. We are always polite.

Another iris.

And my favorite iris, a medium-height one with nice sharp contrast.